I 💖 Groupon
April 13, 2018
Today I had a rough one with my mom, but I’m nearly done with this review, so I’m diverting my mind from the brink of family darkness by writing about this instead:
I have a tenuous yet satisfying relationship with Groupon. I hope you’ll support Groupon by the end of the review; but I hope you won’t be as much of a chicken-shit as me, either.
Once Upon a Time 😉 Before Groupon Was Cool
I joined Groupon in 2011, had my experiences of expired vouchers, and on the few times I’ve had to contact Groupon’s customer service, I’ve trundled through a lackluster support ticket system, similar to the one in ATLUS Online’s customer service department, many years ago, when I was on the CSR end of the grind:
- too many tickets; nuke ’em with preformatted responsesAlso called a PFR.
- dissatisfied customer? upgrade the PFR 😅
- still dissatisfied? now a human will give you more than 2 minutes of attention
In My Life Today 😫 Too Many E-mails
Rather than go into detail about the recent saga I experienced, I’ll just share the gallery of me and Groupon pow-wowing with one another…
Eventually, they did refund the Groupon that I had to “redeem” to print…but I never actually redeemed,…in addition to the second Groupon I had with the same location…
Which, I honestly had still considered using the second Groupon, since whoever wasn’t at the location on the day I tried to use the previously “redeemed” Groupon, that’s the person responsible for this misunderstanding, not the company itself, and—
See, it just gets confusing.
Compliment Sandwich 😘 2012 Diary
This aside, Groupon’s hooked me up with some amazing human experiences, at a budget I can affordi.e., poverty line, thanks to their group share discounts.
Also, it helps me trace the joyous moments of my life. How often do you have a shitty time when you’re using a Groupon?
Here’s a timeline of my 2011-12 Groupon activity:
- patio gardening in September 2011
- nursery center gift certificate from my ex, John, in September 2011
- Mexicana-Americana Irvine nightlife, at a place that’s since closed, in October 2011
- this is how I know John and I ended here—I’m seeking night life
- an ionic zebra-print hair dryer in April 2012, and I still use the motherI had a white tiger themed bathroom in my late 20s, after my ex and I split, and I moved in with my dad… It was my bra burning phase. Not sure if that’s phase ended yet. But hey, the bathroom is sea life themed now. For the future children. EVERYTHING FOR THE FUTURE CHILDREN. 🤗
- Oahu shaved ice and ice cream in April 2012, which wasn’t as good as Oahu, but that’s fineThis Groupon actually marks the end of my relationship with John. I remember going on blind dates at the Oahu shaved ice with lots of awful OK Cupid guys. I was not a fan of the Orange County OK Cupid scene in my 20s… But I met Chase on OK Cupid in Fresno, so I don’t mean to bash!
- haircut package in April 2012, which was the first and last time I’d get my hair cut in my 20s by someone who wasn’t my mother
- manicure in May 2012, my first manicure I flew soloSince my mom’s a beautician, I used to “get my nails done” at her salon on Saturdays, while she was working… But attending a manicure ritual without my mother there? That felt weird. Now it feels good. Manicures connect me to my mother.
- weight loss detoxifying body wrap in May 2012, and that was amazingThat experience is going into a novella in the future.
- yoga classes in May 2012, which resulted in a 30-day challenge, which resulted in me falling in love with 30-day challenges, which resulted in this blog today
- Zaggora hot pants in May 2012, which were awful
- aerobics boxing in June 2012, which taught me how to feel like a smiling fool in public again; not sure when K-12 zapped that out of me
- an Aluminyzed 16″ x 20″ photo of a penguin’s feet in June 2012, after I crawled into an acrylic hole at the Aquarium of the Pacific to snapshot a penguin’s toes, during an awesome weekend outing with my best friend, Ashley
- hot yoga in June 2012, which everyone should try once, but wasn’t for me
- upgraded radio for 2004 Mitsubishi Lancer in June 2012, a car I bought brand new, a car I drove until it died in 2016, a slow death that’d started around the time I bought this radio
- introductory pole dancing classes in June 2012, which I chickened out and never did
- pure barre ballet classes in June 2012, which I did for the 4 classes I purchasedAlso, I was in ballet in first or second grade, I think… and tap dancing… So was I regressing?, then vowed never to attempt again
- dance classes in June 2012, which resulted in my first Groupon refund fiasco, since the dance studio closed before I could redeem my voucher
- trampoline park in June 2012, where I met with my ex to try to flirt him back into a relationship, then realized that wasn’t something I wanted, now that I had grown stronger, now that I had changed
- another package of pole dancing classes in July 2012, which I chickened out on again, then the place closed
- stand-up paddleboard sunset tour in July 2012, which I went on with a Jewish writer friend I met at a Nathan Bransford seminar in San Francisco
- Picture People in July 2012, which I meant to use with my father, but I never did, so to this day, I still have a $16 value voucher with them
- yoga in July 2012, which was where I found the studio I’d practice at until I moved to Fresno
- L.A. County Fair in August 2012, a family tradition I’ve always enjoyed with my father and grandmother
- Molecule-R Gastronomy Kit in August 2012, which I have no memories of whatsoever
- Haunted house in October 2012, which I think I challenged with Ashley; that may be the permanent scar of a memory in the back of my reptilian brain, when car lights turned on, when the car revved in front of us, when a man with a chainsaw without a blade came running out of fog—
- And then another haunted house in October 2012. Because why not.
When I look at Groupon through this lens, I can’t help but love the adventure it inspires.Also, 2012 was my most active year.
I know Groupon connects communities with small businesses, too. Which promotes risk-taking, innovation, and happy lives. Which means, Groupon is a mostly happiness-producing company.
So as much as they frustrate me,… How do you argue with their vision?
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