Posted in Intermissions, Neurodiverse

I 🖤 Brains


Seriously, though. Love ’em. I think about what kinds of synapses are firing in the brains of other living things. I try to figure out why some people swear by the gardening practice of talking to plants. I’m fascinated by the mind-body-soul relationship.

The more I read about brains, the more I feel confident, at peace, with autism—also, the more interconnected I am with the universe—and the happier I am to be an autistic woman, to be a part of this universe, to love this universe, the more I can give the world.

So for me, at least, studying the brain is important.

Listing ❤ 4 LiveScience Articles is one of my new research hubs for brain reads. I’ll list some of my favorite articles from there, in order of newest to oldest… If any of the titles grab you, I promise these are good reads 😉:

  1. New Image Spots Elusive “Snacking” Brain Cells (Mar 18)
  2. Dying Brains Silence Themselves in a Dark Wave of “Spreading Depression” (Feb 18)
  3. How Brain’s “Helper Cells” Could Be Contributing to Schizophrenia (Jul 17)
  4. The Human Brain’s Memory Could Store the Entire Internet (Feb 16)

In any case, I’m coming back to these articles for short story projects later.

Listening to Now 🖤 Cycles

Poetry is Safer Than Home 💛 Quote Response

As the body dies, brain cells sputter electrical juice

Like other organs, brains are made up of flesh, which means they are made up of cells — neurons, mostly. And neurons rely on delicate chemical balances to function. The new paper, the first to study in detail in humans the chemical processes Leão discovered in rabbits, reveals a very similar process preceding final, irreversible death.

Your neurons hold charges, like a battery.
As they heap ions within themselves

like a kangaroo mother pulling her child into a pouch
the neuron nurtures this energy until the time is right

to synapse a decision somewhere further than
itself, shaping the Universe.


Oxygen and chemical energy power the electricity,
the switchboards of your neuron’s decisions. Precisely tuned

fuel radiates to surrounding tissues,
constantly taxing the bloodstream; so at death, when the heart

no longer pumps, and the bloodstream slows,
neurons turn all the switchboards off
and watch the meteor come.


Scientists call the flipping of the switchboards
“a spreading depression,” which is misleading, I know,

since for us clinically depressed folks,
that sounds like we’re already dying.


When the brain realizes blood has stopped, the first spread
of darkness sweeps through it all at once; then slowly,
one district at a time, over three minutes or so,

an organ more complicated
than all the universe, containing enough
memories to keep the Internet online, and surely

still containing the memories of you as a child,
bouncing you on a knee, loving you,

in a final, flicking shock

burns out.

Watching Right Now 💙 YouTube Videos

I know I’ve posted these YouTube videos to my blog before, but—for the sake of keeping my brain research together,—these are the two most influential brain science YouTubes I’ve studied as of late, along with music I commonly use while researching:
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Posted in Philosophies, Problems

Explore 💙 That Part of the Internet

I don’t feel like you should call for people to do things to benefit this planet unless you’re doing what you can to help our little blue dot, too.

Inactive supporters of an idea are just as difficult a challenge for humanity to conquer as active ignorance; two sides of the same coin.

I like to think the issues I write about and think about…

  • the future of artificial intelligence;
  • global warming, and our disconnection from our responsibility to nature, our first mother;
  • autism, and the narrative of disability vs. differability, weakness vs. whole person;

…I inevitably work towards making these issues better. Sometimes, I have to incubate an idea; and if I’m overwhelmed, I may resort to fiction writing to solve it (the more forgiving writing method);

So while my activism may not manifest as a march, as a provocative Twitter comment (although who knows, my Twitter activity is young!)… because I’m scared to sift the mud too much, because then the water becomes cloudy—

That doesn’t mean I don’t stick my hands into the mud.

Teaching Philosophy 💖 Enabling Critical Thinkers

This is why my prerogative as a professor is to teach students how to be deep-thinking members of their community; but it’s up to them to figure out what “community” means, what “audience” means. Liberal, conservative. Democrat, Republican. Family dinner conversations, large social media platforms.

I don’t mean for them to choose sides, so much as understand there are multiple sides in our society, and the key is to tune our ear into deep listening, reading, thinking, observing (so many of them don’t consider all this social media they consume an intellectual observation!), contemplation—wondrous tools all human beings possess, so we can decide how we want to connect and disconnect with our complicated reality.

Disconnect from brute advertising.

Connect to friends.

Disconnect from what you should think.

Connect to what you authentically think.

Disconnect from harming others.

Connect to helping others (whether that’s your self-care, your classmates, your family, your country, Internationally,… we’re all at different stages at different times of our lives, and we’re heavily impacted by what society has taught us.)

I’m sure my students inevitably figure out my political views are decidedly progressive, at least from our side conversations about artificial intelligence (and you’d be surprised how many of them want to talk about the future ahead of them, but it’s not a discourse often engaged in the classrooms they’ve been in before, at least not beyond narratives that don’t make sense to them like the American Dream);

But that’s not the point of instruction, to “turn them into progressives,” and it saddens me when I see the media portraying college that way.

I’m a human professor, so I allow myself my slip-ups in expressing my personal opinions, always catching myself when I do, reminding my students there are multiple ways to see these things, even explaining my understanding of the other sides, turning it into instruction, illuminating why that counterargument they’ve been required to write in classes before is so incredibly important;

And if one of them asks, “What’s a counterargument?” then I give them the joy of writing one in their next essay;

Because these 18-plus-year-olds, they’re on an exciting journey: for the first time (for many of them, anyway) (some grow up young), they get to sift through the multiple ways to see things, and decide what they think.

They look overwhelmed when I tell them this seeking of answers, this understanding who and what we are, who and what society is—it’s an ongoing life process.

It’s also why daily writing can be liberating to our intellectual growth; it’s why I prioritize the nurturing of their wounded Inner Writer Child, for those of them who had “a bad English class experience,” to help them understand again (I’m certain they understood it before) that they have command over what they write now. No one gets to dictate that ever again, unless a paycheck or state requirement is involved.

“Okay, maybe the forceful writing in your life has always involved a paycheck or state requirement,” I relent. And they laugh at this. They embrace the requirements I set on my essay assignments wholeheartedly, knowing I have things I must teach them, but what I really want to teach them is how they can teach themselves.

I tell them all the time, if they don’t like the edits I suggest in their essays, discard them; I’m the more educated writer in that classroom—all these accomplishments I’ve completed say so, or I wouldn’t be hired to teach community college—but I’m still only one of the 20-30 writers in there, and education doesn’t always hit the mark. Education is a tool. Everything is just a tool to interact with our reality better, to figure out what this “life” thing is all about, why we’re so damned hellbent on stuff that’s “fair.”

Enabling intellectual, ongoing, public discourse is the point of English class, at least these days, when that’s a sadly lacking skill. I hope I hit the mark most of the time. I learn from my mistakes when I don’t.

Science Fiction; Fantasy; & the Fermi Paradox

Shifting gears, I want to document a video I studied recently for my science fiction novella. Do watch this with the suspension of disbelief you’d bring to, say, the TV show Fringe; I see videos like this as more of a selective montage of news—an invitation to a discussion, through sources—then as an obvious sign of aliens, Biblical events, etc.

And I like to think the creator of the video appreciates if the montage is digested as story ideas; storytelling is a powerful tool, after all—approaching ideas creatively.

I watch these kinds of far-fetched videos a lot for my science fiction research… i.e., my fiction writing research… Fringe ideas like this make for good storytelling, as well as provocative conversation, as long as you keep your wits and creativity about you, add layers to make the story yours, angle it in a way that makes a larger commentary about our society.

The video below is a book idea, too: urban fantasy this time, more than science fiction.

That part of the Internet… Isn’t critical and creative thinking important for navigating fringe ideas from “that part of the Internet?”

Big plans for books. Goodness, while I would never show these videos in classrooms, it cracks some of my students up when I mention, “I waded through the Internet last weekend,” during those 5 minutes of casual conversations I have with them before class starts, the humanizing aspect of our classroom community.

This next video, I did show in class—to demonstrate it’s possible to create a divided, fun, ethos-logos-pathos space for critical and creative conversation, without politics getting involved, without feeling like we’re about to enter a Thanksgiving dinner train wreck:

We do the train wreck for a different paper.

Posted in Neurodiverse, Philosophies

Explore 💖 Suffering

Depression is hard. Why we still haven’t come to an agreement about this topic as a society, I have no idea. But what I’m really most surprised by?—the way my family’s reacted to my mental illness.

Meaning Making 🖤 Reflecting on Feelings

It hasn’t been all bad, of course. There’s no such thing as all good, all bad. But it hasn’t felt good overall. It hasn’t felt bad overall. I feel rather numb.

You could say I miss my mother. My aunt, too.

My chest hurts a lot these days. Not like my heart hurting; I’d go to the hospital if that was the problem. It’s different than that. Because I can’t put my finger on it, I’ve stopped trying to find out where to place my finger. That’s the attention span I have now, and I’m strangely okay with it, because if I had an attention deficit on top of the depression, the anxiety, the phobias, I’m not sure what’d do. I’ve come to terms with the autism. I’m trying to come to terms with the depression and anxiety. I know I’ll be ready for more guests soon, but until I am, the doors are closed.

Poetry is Safer than Home 💖 Rain & Light

I’ve always looked up
in the light, down in
the rain, to watch
puddles of water
or pools of clouds
gather and collide
into anything, fearless,
ready to challenge even the sun.

Lifeview 💜 To Be Happy is to Embrace When We Suffer

I will do my utmost to describe this belief, but given I’m still trying to shape the clay of emotions myself, I’m shakily confident at most.

It’s not possible to run away from suffering. As long as we carry hurt feelings, and wake up and eat and bathe and brush our teeth with these feelings, they will persist, and we will not be happy.

In order for us to heal, we must embrace our suffering.

We must listen to every thought our mind forms, and say, “Yes, it’s okay to feel that way; now what are you going to do about it?”

We must be mindful to use our interconnected minds when our individualistic minds stray too far into places where we like to dwell and brood and darken.

It’s not that our darkness has no value, isn’t real. Once we acquire darkness, whether through emergency or circumstance or choice, we must love it as part of us. But I think, the trick of life, is to love it authentically, get on your feet, and do your best to stop picking up all this emotional baggage.

It really does no one any good.

That said, I have a long way to go to unpack what I’ve already picked up, carried.
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