Posted in Neurodiverse, Problems

Existential Crises Whirlpool

This’ll be my last post tonight, before
I lay my head to sleep, so in
my dreams, my good
thoughts I hope
to keep

⭐🌟🌠🌝🌔🌪🌩🌛🌚🌞☀☄

½ Fiction 💙 The World is Not This Cruel

This is a dog-eat-dog world, and we are the ones trying to stop everyone from eating dogs. That’s how Mom raised me to believe, like vigilante-fucking-warriors. My aunt, on the other hand, told me this game was dirty, deceitful, but fun, then turned into a pterodactyl and flew away.

I met a tyrannosaurus who thought the same, and I lived with him for two years. I also lived with a paladin for eight, and when I was spinning out of orbit, I spent several nights in the bedroom of a Los Angeles playwright who wanted to play video games professionally.

neutron

Once Upon a Time 💗 Good Mother

I used to ask my aunts if they thought my mother was a good mother. I had a keen eye for human flaw, and it wasn’t so much that I wanted to catch my mother red-handed, as I wanted to understand why things didn’t add up for me internally.

I felt ignored, because I wasn’t getting the attachment I’d received as a baby, and whenever I voiced my feelings, I was told it was in my head, I imagined things,—I had it all wrong. I just wanted to collect counter-evidence, to prove my reality was also true.

The sad thing is, we still behave this way. My mother still makes grand sacrifices I never would’ve asked her to make, then screams I’m ungrateful, takes away things she once gifted for security. She accuses me of false memories. She calls for weeks and weeks, dreading over the impending visit to Fresno—she’s worried because I invited my aunt too, and she expects my aunt to make a scene—then when my aunt calls in the middle of the night, and in my half-asleep stupor, I shriek at the brightness of her cellphone, and tell her to stop talking to my aunt, after all of that, my mom explodes, says “goodbye” instead of “I love you,” leaves in a taxi, and I’ve no idea if she’ll attend my wedding, when or where I’ll hear from her again, if she’ll be alive or dead when I next see her wild hair;

And all I can do it let the words pour out of me, hoping within them, there’s some kind of balm, cure, healing, until that next time comes.

Watching Right Now 🌄 Neutron Stars

Sometimes, when I’m overwhelmed, if I think about something really big, it helps me understand that my “huge” concerns are small, chunkable, and conquerable things.


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Posted in Overdrive, Projects

Explore 🍃 Nature Writing

In graduate school, I took a literature class with John Hales called Nature & Spiritual Essays. While Connie Hales was my thesis chair, and undoubtedly the writer who most affected my aesthetic, John Hales’ class truly helped me reframe the world, at a microbiological to astronomical scale.

I’ve been meaning to explore nature writing again, especially now that I’m writing science fiction. I think it’s important to remember nature is what gives us our wondrous truths; we must not only look at the stars, but at the fish, forests, and cellular kingdoms within our bodies.

Listing 💖 7 Places to Find Nature Writing

  1. Nature Writing, an online magazine
  2. Goodreads
  3. Poetry, particularly my of The Collected Poems of Denise Levertov
  4. Also, Gregory Orr’s Concerning the Book that is the Body of the Beloved
  5. Emerson, Thoreau, and Muir are still in my bookshelves
  6. Nature-man stories buried within myself, leaning on Writing Wild as my spiritual guide
  7. The Best Science & Nature Writing 2018

If I could have a do-over on my MFA, I’d specialize in nonfiction instead of fiction, then I’d pick John Hales’ brain for nature writing technique. But I’m confident I can still walk that path, on my own; I know more than enough about writing to self-improve indefinitely.

Target Words 😍 Wedding Registry 😘 Zen Artist Board

I’d love if we acquired a Zen Artist Board from our wedding registry; if we don’t though, that’s fine…there’s nothing wrong with bamboo brush, ink, and paper.

I just like the ephemeral nature of drawing nature with ink; the relaxation of bonding with nature through line and form; the idea of erasing the image, once I’m done with the meditation, sounds like a true joy, and could also save on paper; regardless, I’d like to practice this ink meditation more often, and maybe even create a fictional character out of the experience.

I’ve already been splattering neon-colored acrylic inks into a handmade book, then trying to interpret the lines, as a meditation every day; it helps me reconnect with Oneness.

½ Fiction 🐔 Our Menagerie

I wake up with my fiance, with the sun. Our chickens cluck eagerly in the cooler shade of their pen; later, the heat will move in. For now, I want the chickens to run around, trailing 💩 fertilizer across the garden.

We grow tomatoes, strawberries, cucumbers, peppers, and loofah. I worry about our blood orange tree. Since I’m using grow bags, we let the weeds take over the earth beneath. The compost heap is frighteningly full of chicken grub. Our drip system is plugged into a timer, so watering is easy.

Our six cats all have access to the catio, where they can watch me garden, meow-chirp at the chickens, and lose their feline minds. DeeJAY, our youngest, can taste bird just looking at them. Tom Selleck and Gregg Allman are also fairly young, while Buttercup is middle-aged, and Philosopher Jones and Phoebe are our seniors.

Inside, we have Meeper and Bozo, our Meyer’s parrot and painted conure, who keep me company while I’m typing throughout the day. Then there are the three aquariums in the living room, each occupied by a betta fish, as well as an assortment of magical crawdads, livebearers, snails, neon tetras, and an albino bristlenose pleco.

Someday, we’ll have more plants. We’re beyond our mammal capacity, though; that’s why we can’t have a dog. And our bird slash reptile capacity is maxed by feathered friends.

The first child who asks for their own pet is getting a chinchilla.


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Posted in Neurodiverse, Projects

Explore ❓ Technology

Here I’m planning world domination a social media strategy,—which is like developing a way to socialize in a completely virtual, information-based world—and I’ve yet to explore my relationship with technology in writing.

This may be why I’m writing a science fiction novella. My craving to explore this virtual conceptualization of the world is about ready to burst out of my sinuses.

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. —Soren Kierkegaard

Listing 💙 30 Tech-based Apps I Love

Later I can turn this list into a month-long blog challenge for writing reviews. Like a project.Oh snap. I think this is my first post for “Chapter 3: Wayfinding.” I think this is a PROJECT POST AWWW YEAAAAAH.

  1. Game Dev Tycoon (Steampowered, indie game, game maker)
  2. RPG Maker Fes (3DS, game maker, JRPG)
  3. Secret of Mana (JRPG, PS4, Square)
  4. World of Warcraft (PC, MMO, Blizzard)
  5. Hearthstone (Blizzard, Mobile, fan girl)
  6. Final Fantasy XV (PS4, MMO, Square)
  7. Super Mario Kart (Nintendo, 3DS, WiiU)
  8. Yoshi’s Wooly World (Nintendo, WiiU, fan girl)
  9. PicsArt, phone app
  10. Splice, phone app
  11. Pinterest, phone app
  12. Kindle, phone app
  13. Wattpad, phone app
  14. Steller, phone app
  15. Instagram, phone app
  16. GENKI Kanji & Vocab, phone app
  17. Brilliant, iPad app
  18. Khan Academy, iPad app
  19. Wikipedia, iPad app
  20. YouTube, iPad app
  21. Reddit, iPad app
  22. Hulu, iPad app
  23. Yelp, iPad app
  24. Notes, iPad app
  25. Snipping Tool, desktop app
  26. Microsoft Word, desktop app
  27. RPG Maker MV, desktop app
  28. RPG Maker VX Ace, desktop app
  29. YouTube, website
  30. Reddit, you’ve gotta be kitten me, website

½ Fiction 💜 7 Sci-fi Romance Cross-genre Goals

Science fiction is such a delicious genre to mix with other genres. But you know what’s even more exhilarating? Mixing a third genre with a sci-fi romance novella. Here are a few mix-ups I may or may not attempt, once I finish my current project…

  1. Sci-fi/Fantasy Romance
  2. Sci-fi RomCom
  3. Noir Sci-fi Rom
  4. CyberpunkSteampunk, meet science fiction! Rom
  5. Sci-fi/Romance Epic Poem
  6. Urban Science Fiction Romance
  7. Science Fiction Romance Screenplay

Watching Right Now 🧡 Elon Musk on AI

@3:45, @5:20, and @7:30 are the important conversations. The whole video is an important conversation, really. I plan on watching this video multiple times during my current novella’s writing process.

With hope, I’ll contribute to this conversation
by making it more accessible to the general public
through my easy-to-read, exciting, and humorous fiction.

I need to read and listen to Elon Musk’s ideas more; also, I’d love dig through the Kindle notes I tookThe Kindle is currently my favorite device for research. while reading Life 3.0: Being Human in the Age of Artificial Intelligence by Max Tegmark.


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