fear of writing

writing on old typewriter

i think about posting on this blog, but i struggle sitting down to do it, and it’s because i am still afraid of writing; but i knew this would happen, or i wouldn’t have set myself a goal to write regularly; i know i need to overcome my fear

i wonder about other autistic people who went no-contact with their family, who have since experienced an inner paralysis—who have experienced a familial paralysis, a close-to-the-heart paralysis, as a weight on their art—and it helps lift the boulders off my shoulders, because it’s not as harrowing when i frame my struggle from the perspective, “this happens to other people, too”

fortunately—even though i do not (yet) keep up with my goal to post several times per week on this blog—i can still sit down to draft short stories; and when the time is right, i’ll let those stories set sail, so someone else can read it and think, “this happens to other people, too,” and their paralysis can weigh less than it does right now

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